Do Your Kids Fight With Each Other? You’ll Never Guess What’s Behind It

Are your kids constantly bickering with each other and driving you crazy? Do they always seem to be picking on each other to get a reaction? Why won’t they stop?

Dr. Susan Rutherford addresses what’s going on between your children when they fight with each other… and what you can do it stop it!



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ding 11 comments on “Do Your Kids Fight With Each Other? You’ll Never Guess What’s Behind It

  1. I’m the fifth of eleven, and my mother stayed out of most of our quarrels growing up…probably more so because of logistics. In some situations, I do think there’s value in learning to work out our differences by ourselves, namely growing our problem-solving and relationship skills. I’m not suggesting we were unsupervised, as our folks always watched from a distance.

    • Jerry – Sounds like your parents did a great job – 11 kids are nothing to take on lightly! I agree – these skills learned while growing up come in very handy as adults dealing with workplace issues, new families, etc.

  2. Eleven is practically half a classroom! As a classroom teacher, I did not get involved in policing the low level issues. My job was to put structures in place that served the good of the whole as a priority. I can imagine that parenting eleven would require similar priorities!

  3. I enjoyed your video tapes conversation.
    We have a son and daughter. It seemed like we were always after him to stop teasing his little sister. When we stopped that behavior and began to think about what was right about him and wrong about her, things improved. We also did the unexpected. Once when he took her kite, I went to him and told him that I loved him. The amazing result was that he turned around and gave her the kite.

  4. That’s an interesting theory, but your mother didn’t back it up, and neither of you gave any suggestions as to what to do about this problem, which could have been helpful. Thanks though

    • Corinne – You’re right, we didn’t focus so much on how to handle sibling issues, but rather just to understand what can be going on in the family. Perhaps we should do a follow-up blog. What I can generally say is that spending some separate time with each child can go a long way to diffusing some of these issues.

      • I agree that spending time with each child individually is important. However, when parents have eleven children like in Jerry’s family, or four children like mine, it can be challenging – to say the least – to find time to spend with each child. The easiest way for me to do that while they are young (as of this writing, they are all under nine) is to read a book with a younger child, and cook with the oldest child. Sometimes one will walk around our yard with me, too.
        I would also like to add that even when I spend positive one-on-one time with my children, one is still a bully at times (whether we put him in school or homeschool), picking on his youngest sibling and getting in trouble for hurting his siblings. My mother has said he wants attention but even when she visited, she did her best to compliment him and give him lots of good attention but still saw him act out the next morning, so while love is essential, discipline needs to be used, too.
        Thanks for taking the time to reply!

  5. Siblings fighting – of course at the bottom of it, it is about sibling rivalry, parents attention, etc. I had strong feelings about my brother growing up. I swore my mother loved him more. He was 4 years younger and she was always babying him more. I told her outright you love him more. Mom would tell me of course not. We would spend days together doing things just the two of us (they were great) BUT none of it ever changed my opinion. He is in his 40s and she still babies him, in a way she doesn’t to me. I knew and know my mom loves me. I love her. And I think she is a GREAT mom. But it wasn’t going to stop me fighting with my brother growing up.

    Now I have 2 kids. They fight a lot. Either one can start it. they are jealous of eachother for all kinds of reasons. And we try and be fair and we tell them to be kind to one another. It doesn’t stop it.

  6. This is the precise blog for anybody who needs to search out out about this topic. You realize so much its almost exhausting to argue with you (not that I really would need…HaHa). You positively put a new spin on a subject thats been written about for years. Great stuff, simply great!

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